I don't work

I called my bank today to check mortgage rates and ask a few questions about refinancing since rates have come down a good bit since we originally bought our home. The nice lady who took my call answered some of my questions but wanted a little information from me to give me thorough answers. At one point she asked if I worked. I told her I was a stay at home mom and that my husband ran his own law practice. We continued on with our conversation.

Then, after giving her permission to check my credit score so she could give me an accurate quote, she noted that there was another small mortgage on my credit report and I told her that was my townhouse I had bought while in college, 15+ years ago. It's now a rental that pays for itself, so I didn't think it would impact refinancing my primary home. She sounded shocked that I had attended college and actually asked "So, you have a college degree and don't work?"....um, 2 degrees actually m'am.

I had to chuckle. Of course I work. My day starts around 7:30 am and lately ends around 10:30pm when my little guy finally goes to sleep. It's the lowest paying job I've ever had, and has the longest hours, but it's the most rewarding and enjoyable job I've ever had...and I LOVE my co-workers. I'm sure my degrees help on some days, but most days my primary qualification for the job is the heart that God gave me, not the degrees from FSU.

So, I just told the nice lady that I worked in my chosen career field for more than a decade and then had the most wonderful little boy and changed my career to being his mom. She still seemed surprised. I'm surprised to find someone who finds it odd that I stay home with my son. There's no place I'd rather be.

Growing up

So today my little one showed his appreciation. And broke my heart. How does one do that all at once?

I was wearing a tank top and leaned over to put Grant's shoes on, and he reached out and put his hand on the top of one of my breasts/upper chest area. He quietly, unprompted, whispered "I love you too Mommy."

My husband's first response was that this was obviously a sign that it was time to wean and perhaps it was an inappropriate behavior. However, given that my child stays home with me, has never been exposed to any inappropriate behaviors like that and is unaware that breasts serve any function other than providing milk, I don't think for a minute that his touch and words were anything but appreciation.

The little guy knows that mommy's breasts bring comfort and love to his life. His response is to love me "too." It is the most endearing and heart wrenching moment I have yet to experience as a mom. It shows a level of understanding and awakening, as a caring and thoughtful human being. We have seen little signs of compassion lately, but this was very different for me. I suppose that is because it was so personal and was about something that was so intimate and shared between just the two of us.

So tonight I am weepy. This very special thing between the two of us is drawing to a close. It's time. He is 33 months old today. Knowing that doesn't make it any less bittersweet. I will miss my baby and being able to make everything right in his world simply by nursing him.